Someone to Count on
by windmarks
Summary: Lucia Barba tries to show support for her son's friendship with Olivia and finds herself needing to hear comforting words too. Begins before December Solstice and picks up a few days after the events of that episode.
1. Chapter 1

"I think I should say thank you for doing this", Lucia said as she got out of a cab with her son, both carrying groceries.

"Not that I don't like seeing you, but it's the third time this month" Rafael replied, looking straight ahead while his mother opened the door of her building.

Lucia sighed. "I guess it's too much to ask for you to forget about the luxury of Manhattan from time to time".

"That's not what I'm saying. Stop using that argument. And, for the record, I have no problem lending you money…" he said as they started to climb up the stairs. "…If by the end of the week you realize you have no cash for groceries or transportation, just tell me, okay?"

"I don't need your money, thank you very much…" she said, emphasizing the last part ironically. "…Things have just been tougher lately. The budget for the school is smaller now, so I ended up working more to get paid less. Also…" - Lucia stopped in the stairs and touched Rafael's arm to get him to do the same. When he stopped and turned around to focus his gaze on her, she continued. "…I've been spending more with medication for my mother".

Barba sighed and offered her a concerned look. "All the more reason you should let me help you… And _abuelita_ ". Before his mother could roll her eyes and call him a _gringo-wanna-be_ , he finished his thought. "This is serious. Let your ego aside and realize that you cannot maintain two people, one of whom is an eighty-five year old woman, with a job that barely covers your grocery spending" he argued.

Lucia looked anywhere but at her son and pursed her lips, in a gesture that Rafael hoped was acceptance. After a few seconds, she gathered her thoughts and nodded. "For now. For _her_ " was all she could say, and they continued to move silently to her apartment door.

They entered the apartment and put down the bags.

"Okay, I need to get going. See if I can get another cab soon" Barba started to head out but Lucia stopped him.

"What's the hurry? It seems like you're always late for something" she called out from the kitchen. "And there's no way I'm gonna let you wait out there in the cold in that dangerous street".

Rafael suppressed a smile. "I'm not seven anymore, mom. But I suppose I could stay for a while". Barba sat down on her couch and waited for her to join him. "What do you wanna talk about?"

"Tell me about your life. We barely talk and, when we do, you're always mentioning those abhorrent crimes you take to trial" Lucia said and settled in on the couch with her son.

"Well… you know that that's what I dedicate most of time to do. DAs don't have much of a busy social life"

"That's just sad, Rafi". Rafael started to protest but was cut off. " _Lo se_ , you love your job, but take this from someone who spent most of their waking moments working: always try to take time to relax, turn off your phone"

"This is New York, _mami_ "

"Well, then get out of New York for a while. A vacation! Do you even remember what that is?" Lucia eyed him.

"I have always wanted to visit _la América Central_. Maybe even Cuba one day, but I'd settle for the other islands" Barba started to daydream. It was no secret that he loved to explore new cities and countries, but a certain thought brought him back to reality. "But, for that to happen, SVU needs to stop bringing me those 'abhorrent cases' I take to trial", he sighed.

"I know you explained me SVU has more bureaucracy than most units, but I hardly think _every_ case needs to be taken to trial. At least not by you..." Rafael's mother ran her right hand through his hair. "They should do fine with another _abogado_ for a couple of weeks".

"Hm, I could talk to the DA's office and Sgt. Benson" he said, though he knew he wouldn't do that for the time being.

"Of course! You're required by law to take vacations, aren't you?" Lucia asked and Rafael nodded in response. "Wait. 'Benson', where have I heard that name before?"

"She's in charge of the squad. I've told you about her before, when she was abducted…" Rafael started to dart his gaze around the living room, and didn't see the understanding look on his mother's face.

"I remember… I remember telling you it wasn't your fault, _mi hijo_ "

"Not that it makes it any easier. It's been almost two years and we never really talked about it"

"Maybe she just wants to forget that and get on with her life. Last I remember, she was a detective. Now, she's a sergeant… That's progress" Lucia tried to sound comforting.

"I suppose…" he half-heartedly replied. "Well, Olivia got the custody of an orphan recently and she's thinking about going for adoption". Barba had to acknowledge Sgt. Benson had made progress since Lewis, but it bothered him how unresolved the subject was between them.

"See? She's doing fine… And you're still good colleagues" she patted his back.

"Actually, for some time now, I've been considering her my friend. I think we've bonded over those cases, her kidnap… Alex…" Barba looked down, as if lost in thought.

"I know how hard that was on you, Rafi, but it's really nice to know you have someone to count on and trust at times like these" his mother gave him a reassuring smile.

The subject moved on to their regular conversation and then a dinner prepared by both of them. Rafael left shortly after they ate, with promises of getting a week's vacation and maybe even bring Lucia and Catalina along in a small trip. He didn't thank her for her kind and comforting words, but Lucia didn't need him to voice his gratitude to know how much he needed someone to talk to. She only hoped the other person her son could rely on was Sergeant Olivia Benson.

About two months later.

Lucia was still healing emotionally from her mother's death, which had happened only four days prior. She was sure her son was hurting as well, but after he got the news and came to Catalina's old house to comfort her she had barely spoken to him. As he always tended to, Rafael tried to blame himself for the tragedy, and even though Lucia knew that was not true, at that emotional time she didn't have the mindset to tell him he was only trying to look out for his family and how much she appreciated that.

Now, however, feeling guilty over what she may have made her son believe all these days, she found herself entering the courthouse she knew Rafael usually was at week afternoons. They needed to have a serious conversation about family relationships and the funeral, both of which were subjects she wouldn't be able to ignore for long. Lucia looked around the building searching and asking about her son until she saw a familiar face. She had only met the woman for a few seconds all those months ago and had only heard her voice once, but she approached her anyway.

"You're detective Benson, aren't you?"

Olivia looked up from her phone. She was standing right outside the courtroom.

"Yes, and you are Barba's mother, if I remember correctly" Benson offered her a small smile, which Lucia returned.

"Exactly. Do you know where Rafael is?" she resumed to look at all directions for her son.

"As a matter of fact, he's right inside…" she pointed to the courtroom door. "… But he's prepping a witness for a trial. She's a big witness, so he wants to go through all the details of her testimony… It should take a while".

Lucia sighed and looked at the tiled floor. She knew how seriously her son took his job, but she also got the sense that he was avoiding her too.

"Well… I don't wanna interrupt him, so tell him I stopped by".

As she was turning to leave, it was Olivia's turn to sigh, as if she was contemplating her next move.

"Wait! Mrs. Barba!" she called out. When the older woman turned around, she began to speak in a quieter tone. "Is this about his grandmother?"

"Did he tell you about that?" Lucia's voice was also lower, filled with sadness over the subject.

"I had to practically interrogate him about why he showed up so late and looked so 'out of it' four days ago, but he told me, yes"

Rafael's mother almost smiled. "He went to work that day? Why does that not surprise me?"

"You have a very stubborn son, Mrs. Barba, but it's pretty clear how much he cares about the people in his life. And, honestly, that doesn't surprise _me_ "

Lucia felt the sting of Olivia's words. "So he told you more…" she said and looked up to meet Sgt. Benson's eyes.

"Look, I'm not trying to tell you how to feel your pain. I've lost my mother and, even though we didn't have the best relationship, it still hurt. Just…" she sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "… Just make sure you don't pull away or alienate people who obviously care about you".

"I understand. In fact, I came here to try to fix what I did… Actually, what I _didn't do_ " Lucia looked at the floor again and raised her eyebrows to try to hold back tears.

"That's good. It's really good" Benson spoke softly again and smiled sincerely. "I would offer to call him out here, but that's a conversation you two should have privately and calmly. I bet he's anxious to make amends with you again"

"I know I am" Lucia replied and left without saying another word.

Much like the conversation she had had with Rafael a few months prior Catalina's death, there was comforting and understanding with her and Benson, even during a small talk in a courthouse corridor. On her ride home, the woman thought about her son beginning to open up about his problems with a person who could actually understand and support him, not just be one of his lawyer colleagues, with whom Rafael went to trips and yachts with, but never really seemed to share a personal conversation. Lucia Barba didn't know exactly how deep her son's feeling ran for the Sergeant she had just spoken to, but she hoped that Olivia would keep on being in his corner and supporting him for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Barba and his mother talk things through, but after the funeral he seeks Olivia for comfort. Picks up from Olivia's conversation with Lucia, but from Barba's perspective.**

Rafael Barba was having trouble focusing on his job for the past four days. Not only he had lost someone who believed in him and loved him unconditionally since he was born, he feared he would have to go through the grief without facing his mother. Barba was extremely upset and held a bit of resentment towards Lucia, but he decided his _abuelita_ deserved more than the two people she cared about the most fighting right after her passing.

"… And that's when I saw the defendant approach my friend, Emily Stein, and drag her to a more secluded part of the club. When I saw her again, she was covered in blood and bruises, and that's when I called 911". The woman's voice brought Rafael back to reality and he found himself at the courtroom prepping a witness for an upcoming trial.

"Thank you, Ms. Brooks. Thank you for testifying. Now, I'm going to ask you questions the defense probably will. You may not like them, but we need to be prepared" he said and the process took another thirty minutes.

Just a few moments after he was done with the witness and began to gather his things to leave, Olivia stepped into the courtroom.

"So, how was she?" Benson asked, but as important as the trial was to her, she already wanted to change the subject.

Barba sighed before replying "She's credible. I wish we had the footage of the cameras from the club, but I think her attention to detail can be good to tie up some loose ends". He also spoke half-heartedly.

"If you excuse me, now" he murmured and lightly patted her shoulder. Before he could leave, however, Olivia stopped him by holding his arm. Her touch was even lighter than his was just seconds before. He looked at her hand grasping his arm and then stared into her eyes again.

"Is there something you want to tell me, Olivia?"

Lucia looked through the peephole of her apartment door and saw her son pacing around the corridor with his arms crossed.

"Did she tell you or did you come here because you wanted to?" she said as she opened the door.

"A little bit of both, I'd say" Rafael stepped into the living room.

"Okay. I guess I owe y-"

" _Mami_ " he said to cut her off. "I realize we need to talk, but time's ticking and I want to make sure we can have a quiet, small funeral for _abuelita_. With no worries"

After a calm and long discussion about the details, they finally settled for a cemetery in the barrio, which was already preparing the body, where Barba's grandfather was also buried. The funeral would happen the very next afternoon and giving the short notice and their wish for it to be peaceful, they would be the only ones attending.

"Now we've only got one more thing to settle" Barba sighed.

"Like I was saying before, I owe you an apology. You were trying to do the right thing… I… should've looked past my pain and told you that right after you blamed yourself"

Rafael breathed slowly and stood up straight, not sure of what to do. "So you don't feel that what happened was on me?" he started out in his regular tone, but with each word the volume of his voice lowered, almost in a whisper by the time his mother responded.

"I don't". Lucia walked towards him and placed her hands on his shoulders. "There's no way you could have known" she finally said and wrapped him in a hug.

Barba returned the hug, but he didn't feel as comforted or convinced by her words.

"Have you been going to work?" he asked.

"Went back two days ago. That place can't function if I'm not there" she responded with a soft laugh, while she wiped tears from her eyes. "… But from what I've heard from your good friend Benson, you didn't take any day off".

"I'm needed there" was Rafael's simple reply.

"Didn't you learn anything from what I told you all those months ago? Now would be the time for a vacation, _mi hijo_ "

"When Olivia found out what happened, she almost tried to kick me out of the precinct and send me home".

"You should've listened to her. She sounds like she cares about your well-being"

"Well, I care about hers..." before his mother could throw a knowing glance at him, he concluded his thought. "… And yours. So, maybe I'll consider a vacation if you promise to stay off work for a while, too".

Olivia was fast asleep on her living room couch with Noah on her arms. Usually, she would spend her rare days off walking around parks and malls with her son, but this particular Saturday she wanted nothing but comfort and quietness. That sensation lasted about fifteen minutes for her, when she heard two knocks on her door.

Benson stirred and in a swift movement lay down Noah so he wouldn't wake up. When she opened the door, she was surprised to find Rafael standing there.

"I thought it was a neighbor" Olivia said, clearly still sleepy.

Since she didn't greet him and looked rather tired, Barba felt a little ashamed to be standing outside her door.

"Hm, why's that?" was the only response he could come up to.

"Well, you didn't buzz, so I thought it would be someone who has access to the building" she said, leaning on the doorframe.

"The doorman let me in. Said he knew me" Rafael shrugged. "I didn't want to bother you, but it seems like I'm doing just that, so… Sorry"

"You're not bot-... Really. Come in, Rafael". Olivia patted his shoulder while he entered the apartment. "Were you around the neighborhood?" she asked and closed the door.

Barba briefly considered lying, but then he reasoned that was exactly the opposite of why he wanted to see her.

"No, actually… I was at South Bronx"

She raised an eyebrow at him questioningly.

"A Cemetery at South Bronx, to be exact"

A look of understanding took over her features. The two hadn't talked since that brief exchange at the courthouse the afternoon before, so Olivia wasn't aware of the funeral. Until now.

"That was today, huh? Stupid question, but how was it?" she tried to smile at him.

"It was simple, peaceful. My mother and I were the only ones there, so we could have a proper goodbye" he responded as they both settled on the couch. Noah, now wake, rested on Olivia's lap.

"All I know about your grandmother is from what you told me, but I'm sure she would be content with that"

"Now that's new for me" he sighed.

"You've got to stop doing that. I thought that, since you went to the funeral together, you and your mom had made amends"

"We did. She apologized" he confirmed.

"So what's the problem, Rafael?" she covered his right hand with her own. "Why do you blame yourself for things you have no control over?" Olivia asked. Her tone soft enough to make him feel comfortable with the question, but also demeaning enough that he actually thought about it.

She rarely used his first name, which he thought was odd, considering he had been calling her "Liv" for years. Maybe it was that, maybe it was the overwhelming situation or maybe it was her warm, comforting hand resting above his, but he gave her no answer, simply clenched his jaw. Benson waited for a few seconds, but apparently she had accomplished the impossible: she had rendered ADA Rafael Barba speechless. That was so unusual she was also in a loss of words for a while.

"Tell you what: you think about that for as long as you want, I'll let Noah nap in his room and we'll drink this away when I get back". Rafael looked up just at the right time to catch Olivia smiling sincerely at him before she got up from the couch. Noah in her arm.

"It usually takes a few minutes to get him to fall asleep. You know where I keep the liquor, right?" she asked from the boy's bedroom.

"Yeah, I know" he answered in a light chuckle.

 **I always intended for this to be a short fic, so the next chapter will be the last.** **  
** **Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

By the time Olivia came back to the living room, Rafael had already poured both of them some scotch.

"I know you're more of a wine person, but I didn't want to open the bottle just for this"

"Scotch's fine", she reassured him and took her glass. "Come sit here" Olivia said and moved to the couch.

They talked about work, he asked her about Noah and soon, what was supposed to be a chit chat, became a full conversation between the two of them while some game they didn't care about played on TV.

Barba was already in his third glass of alcohol when the subject died out.

"For people who are grateful for every day off they get, we sure talk about work a lot" he remarked, smiling.

"We do… But when you came by, I didn't think you wanted to talk about work" she replied and turned her body to better face his on the couch, but he was still facing forward. Olivia noticed his smile fade and she knew their conversation was about to change.

In the brief seconds it took him to come up with a reply, Rafael wondered about what he actually wanted out of this visit. Talk about the funeral? No, he was already feeling down before the funeral. His _abuelita_? His mother's apology, which did nothing to soothe him? There were so many thoughts running through his head that he figured he wouldn't be able to pinpoint just one as the cause of his anguish.

"I didn't". Barba placed his glass on the coffee table and rested his back on the couch.

"I can't talk to you if you don't tell me what you really want to talk about". Olivia moved a few inches closer and placed her hand on his shoulder. Slowly, she began to move it chastely in circles.

"Disappointment. That's the problem" he let out with a heavy sigh.

She stopped the motion of her hand and just kept it still. "You think of yourself as a disappointment?" she asked. She had found out about her colleague's hidden depth years before, but this information took her by surprise.

"Not in general. I know I did well for a kid that didn't have any opportunities growing up" he straightened his posture, causing Olivia's hand to travel down his back before she placed it on her side. "But I feel that, whenever it's personal, I'm letting people down"

"I'm sure that, as a lawyer, you know better than anyone that you can't please everyone all the time. I also took you for the kind of person that is not concerned about pleasing others". Benson said. The problem ran deeper and she knew that, but she was trying to get him to open up more.

"It's not about pleasing. It's about caring, protecting and bringing justice to the people I care about. I have manage to fail at all of those things for years now"

From Noah and Ellie Porter to the victims that couldn't get their attackers convicted in trial, Olivia could relate to everything he said in some degree. During prep for the trial of her own abduction, Olivia noticed the beaten expression Rafael usually had while she talked about the things Lewis did and threatened to do to her. Barba tried to hide his emotions in court, just as he advised the squad to do the same, but it was still clear to anyone who knew how Rafael Barba acted in a trial that he was out of his element. The man would stand up to speak only when necessary, his objections were minimal and he would rarely look at the defense table.

They weren't much more than coworkers at the time, maybe colleagues, but she didn't consider him his friend, as he was sure he didn't think of her that way either. However, after he listened carefully to her confessions and allowed her to lie in open court to help the case, Olivia began to consider Rafael not only a lawyer she respected, but a man she trusted.

"I know you may feel like you've wronged people that you couldn't protect, but I promise you: it wasn't your fault".

"You don't know all the facts to be so sure" he replied, staring at the floor. "It is easier to just toss around the blame, but sometimes we have to face our mistakes"

"I'm not saying that. I know you're a good man".

"I've always known you're a good lawyer, so whether you won or lost cases, I thought that the only impact it would have in your life is something else to brag about or to, I don't know, complain about being a waste of time" she laughed and that made him smile. "…But when it started to get to you, we all began to realize, me, especially, that there was a man behind those suits that really cared about the pain other people went through"

"That's nice to hear, Olivia. But your point being?" he raised his head to look at her in the eyes.

"I think it was because of Lewis"

Barba didn't break the eye contact, but she could see him tensing up again.

Olivia continued "Suddenly, it became too personal, too real and you couldn't just forget about it when you went home".

"Why do I feel you're only further proving my point?"

"You didn't let me finish" Benson replied. This time she moved even closer to him on the couch so that their legs were touching slightly. "… You couldn't protect me from Lewis, but it's not your fault that he got away… certainly not your fault that he did those things to me". Olivia held his hand. Rafael could only stare at their fingers, entwined as she spoke again, in a softer tone. "I guess in the end we all know how much you care and are willing to risk for your friends and family. And by 'we' I mean me, the rest of the squad, your mother and your grandmother, too. You won't disappoint anyone as long as you show that you're there for us"

Barba brought his eyes back to hers again. For a long time he felt the people in his life he called friends were actually just coworkers he went to dinners and boats with. There was no depth in those conversations, which he didn't mind, until Rafael had to report Alex Muñoz.

The whole scandal had damaged his political future, but that was the last thing on Barba's mind, because it had also put to test how much he could trust his colleagues if even his oldest friend was capable of lying and manipulating him.

Looking at their hands, still wrapped around the other, however, Barba noticed the simplicity of the gesture, almost as if it came natural to them. Olivia didn't have to say anything at this point because her action showed her kindness and good intentions. He wanted to tell her how much he appreciated their relationship, whatever it was. He wanted to tell her that no matter what situation, he would definitely be by her side because he knew he would do the same for her.

Instead, he decided to let his actions demonstrate how he felt. Barba squeezed Olivia's hand to get her attention again. When she looked at him again, Rafael turned his body towards her on the couch and started to move closer until their lips were touching. There was a second of awkwardness, as is expected of any unplanned first kiss, but soon enough she kissed him back. Olivia felt him sigh contently and smile into the kiss. She finally released his hand, but only so she could rest it on the back of his neck and slightly play with his hair. Barba took the opportunity to tightly hold her waist. After a few moments, he broke the kiss. As much as he liked it and felt she did too, he wasn't sure what would happen if he tried to deepen the kiss.

He hadn't even realized that his eyes were still closed and his hands were still grasping her waist when her voice finally snapped him out of his trance.

"Rafael" she said. Voice much lower than it had been before.

"Yeah?"

"What was this about?" she asked and Rafael started to question whether she only responded to the kiss as an involuntary reaction, not because she wanted it to happen.

"To say thank you, I guess" he eyed her carefully. The last thing Barba wanted was to throw away their friendship.

"I appreciate it" she gave him a small smile.

"The gesture or the sentiment?" the lawyer in him couldn't help but ask.

"Both" she moved towards him and gave him another kiss.

Just at that time, the two heard a familiar sound coming from Noah's room.

"I think he's awake. Sorry" Benson said and headed to the room.

While at any other opportunity, Rafael wouldn't have liked to be interrupted by a baby, now he was glad for the extra time to think about the implications of what Olivia had said not even one minute before. Should he take it as a sign of interest? Should he ask her out on a date or would that be inappropriate? Barba would be lying if he said his feelings for Olivia hadn't started to evolve for a while. He tried to suppress it, but as they grew closer, the task became more difficult. In fact, the reason Barba masked his feelings was because he had no idea how Olivia would react. So, when she implied that she had liked the kiss, Rafael felt happy and relieved.

He heard her footsteps and got up from the couch to see Olivia and Noah near the kitchen.

"There he is. Hi, Noah" he patted the kid's head awkwardly, which made Olivia laugh.

"You're so stiff around him" she commented and Rafael bowed his head smiling but a little embarrassed.

"Don't worry, though. You'll get better at it"

"Maybe I should stop by more often" he said, raising an eyebrow "You know… for the baby"

Olivia laughed again. "Maybe you should"

Barba stayed for dinner and throughout the evening he still thought about where their relationship was going. By the end of the evening, when she bid him goodbye with another kiss, Rafael became sure that, whatever the future had in store for them, he knew he could trust and count on her.

And that's it, guys. I like to leave things "hanging in the air", but I'm satisfied with how it turned out. Thanks to everyone who read this story and I hope to write more things for this ship.


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